My Testimony

Consider the unhappy state of a person who does not feel close to God. Being conscious of it puts you in a truly miserable condition. This was my mindset on the morning of Saturday 13 September 2013. Saturday morning was a moment of freedom where I could sit at my computer, totally undisturbed, and look at how my investments in the stock market were doing. This was well deserved ‘me’ time and….

…..why not?

I had been at work all last week, even did some overtime. I had entertained my friends on Friday, saw my family and went to church on Sunday, prayer group on Thursday, with short bible readings in the evenings…..

…..and Yes! Well-earned Me Time!

So why did I still feel so uncomfortable? Why did I feel that I was not doing enough to please God?

The advice of my Christian friends was that I felt this way because I was being self-righteous. All you do is to believe in Jesus and He will magically change you. You cannot do good works through obligation but only through love. Doing good works through obligation renders you self-righteous and you insult the work of Christ on the cross. Better to do no work at all and believe in Christ then to be self-righteous.

Don’t be like the Pharisees!

This only made me feel even more miserable and confused. Surely it is only through good works that you can show your sincerity towards God?

I put my hands together and prayed.

“Heavenly Father, what must I do to fulfil Your Will? Please help me to fulfil Your Will…Amen.”

When a sincere request is made to The Lord He never delays in answering. The Lord will always provide a way out of every difficult situation. Within 10 minutes a thought came into my mind….

“How did the Saints live?”

Up to now I had never even thought about the Saints. Not even given them a glance. Little did I know that within two minutes I would be reading from a website dedicated to St Gemma Galgani. This was a turning point in my life. My life would never be the same again. I read her autobiography, her prayers, her quotes and sayings. I learned about her sincerity to God and was mesmerized. As I read I could feel St Gemma talking to me.

Like a homesick boy being allowed to visit his parents I was briefly allowed to be detached from the world and receive heavenly graces. All my fears, all my confusion and all darkness around me failed and slipped like a falling cloak. Then…

outpoured the revelation and the flame!

I was struck by her radiance which poured out sincerity, devotion, love, kindness and pure peace. A sharp contrast to the vacant expressions I see in the eyeless muse of the world. I was seized by a sudden urgency, a wakeup call from the deep sleep I was in.

It was a sudden turning away from the trance like state of my current life to a full realization seized on by the will and heart’s aspiration. An awakening from the cosmic drowse of ignorant force as strong thoughts came in from above. A grace from previously unreached transcendences iridescent with the Glory of the Unseen.

The secret teacher, the inner guide was already at work.

Up to now I had been living my life in a complete trance. I was asleep but very soon I would be fully awake. Thanks be to the Grace of God.

St Gemma revealed to me that it does not matter how busy your life is because you are where God places you. God is in full control of your life. He loves you and all He asks is for you to love Him back. You do this by fulfilling Gods Will. St Gemma also revealed to me two great prophets in the Bible who had prayed that same prayer that I had done. That is David, son of Jesse and Saul of Tarsus who later became St Paul the apostle.

I told St Gemma that I did not want to remain on earth because I was unhappy. This world is full of darkness and I really don’t want to be here. St Gemma clearly made it known to me that I must stay as it is not my time yet. It’s sad to feel separated on this earth from God but you must remember…

God is with you and ALWAYS in your company

A homesick boy will not be at boarding school forever but during that short period it is his duty to work hard and pass his exams. In the same way during your temporary time on earth it is your duty to fulfil Gods Will and show your love for Him as He loves you.

She then gave me two lessons and an act of dedication to do to give me that clarity so very much needed to have that eternal joy that nothing or anyone can ever take away from you.
The two lessons are those that St Gemma learned from her mentors during her time on earth. The first lesson is about offering yourself to God and the second lesson is about resigning yourself to God. Due to the length of their content they are explained on separate pages. Please click on the hyperlinks below to read these;

Offering yourself to God

Resigning yourself to God

St Gemma made a Holy Hour every Thursday night, in honour of our Lord’s Passion and sufferings in the Garden. She made this Holy Hour faithfully each week until her death. The act of dedication is to make the Holy Hour, just as St Gemma did.

St Gemma learned from St Paul of the Cross that God is most easily found by us in the Passion of Jesus. He saw the Passion as being the most overwhelming sign and pledge of God’s infinite love for us, and at the same time the door to union with Him.

Please click on the hyperlink below to learn about The Holy Hour.

The Holy Hour

These three practices are very powerful tools which will enable you to develop the qualities of faith, sincerity and surrender to Our Lord. Let your sincerity and surrender be genuine and entire. When you give yourself, give completely, without demand, without condition, without reservation so that all in you shall belong to The Divine and nothing be left to the ego or given to any other power. The more complete your faith, sincerity and surrender, the more will grace and protection be with you. And when the grace and protection of The Divine are with you, what is there that can touch you or whom need you fear?

All thought must be on Jesus and Jesus alone. When you walk through life Jesus is always with you as a companion, teacher, father and friend. When tribulations come to you He will always be by your side.

If God be for you. Who dare be against you!

Make all tasks, thought and action according to His Will, as an offering to Him, with adoration, love and joy. When you walk through life with Jesus you have nothing to fear. Blessed you will be when you return home and hear the words…

“Well done good and faithful servant.”

There is no greater teacher, companion and friend than Our Lord Jesus, who died for you on the cross, and who desires your salvation.

Mystical Experience confirming St Gemma’s intercession:
Then I found myself back in the world. Was that a true spiritual experience or was it just a wondering of the mind…a simple daydream. Looking at my lifestyle and sinful state the thought of living a saintly life seemed far off and impossible. I wanted to believe but just could not shake off that skepticism.

That evening I prayed a bold prayer to God asking this question. Have you sent St Gemma as my friend, guide and teacher to bring me closer to you?

The following morning when I awoke it was early and still dark. On the walls, ceiling, floor, furniture and everything visible in the room were symbols. The symbols were identical and arranged in neat rows and columns. The best artist could not have done a better job. I turned on the light and they were still there. I recognized the symbol as the ‘Chi Rho’. This symbol invokes the authority of Jesus as well as symbolizing His status as The Christ.

The vision then faded and I was filled with joy as my prayer had been answered.

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“Whoever is humiliated on earth is in heaven and on the cross. Whoever has the first place on earth has the last before God. He who knows the Cross desires it. He who does not know the Cross runs away from it.”

– Words of St. Gemma Galgani.